Have you ever come across someone who likes engaging in certain behaviors despite knowing that they are going to end up hurting someone? Maybe somewhere deep, down inside, they like to hurt and abuse themselves, because the pain they feel gives them a certain kind of pleasure? If you answered yes to both these questions, then chances are you have met an emotional masochist.
Now keep in mind that emotional masochism is not the same as sexual sadomasochism, where one person is the dominating and controlling one, and the other person, the submissive one.
Truthfully, from a psychological point of view, emotional masochism is basically indulging in self-defeated mannerisms and behaviors, which are committed by you to yourself. In simpler terms, emotional masochists love to cause pain and humiliation to themselves.
Here Are 10 Signs You Are An Emotional Masochist
1. They Eagerly Wait To Feel Pain.
Everything might be well and perfect in their lives, and they might not have any reason to complain, but there is a part of them that is constantly thinking something bad is going to happen. They keep on ignoring or undermining the good and positive things in their life, and constantly obsess about the negative things, that ‘might’ end up happening.
Yes, bad things happen in life, but does that mean life is entirely bad? Of course not! The main principle about living is that you have to take the good with the bad, but when it comes to emotional masochists, they never think like that. They will keep on thinking and waiting for the pain to come, and if it really does, they feel, “Yes, I knew it”, and thrive in that pain and negativity.
2. They Find It Really, Really Hard To Trust Other People.
They might have a painful past, where they were hurt and betrayed many times, or they might have just decided that they should not trust anyone. Ever. Nobody is deserving of their trust, and nobody should be trusted under any circumstances.
This thought process manifests as them insulting other people needlessly, brutally, and unfairly questioning everybody’s integrity (no matter how of good a person they might be), believing that everybody is out to get them, or simply just accusing someone to be untrustworthy to their face (even if they don’t have any reason to feel like that at all).
But deep down inside, they hate the fact that they are unable to trust anyone, but then they console themselves by believing that they are used to feeling like this, and it’s okay.
3. They Are Extremely Self-Critical About Themselves.
One of the biggest signs that someone is an emotional masochist is the excessive self-criticism they throw at themselves, sometimes for even the smallest of things. Whenever something bad happens, they are quick to judge themselves and constantly feel that it’s all their fault (even when it isn’t). They believe that everyone hates them, and nobody wants them in their lives and considers them to be a waste of space (which might not be true at all).
Their negative and self-deprecating thoughts get so bad sometimes that except for crying, they are unable to do anything else to release that emotional and mental pain.
4. They Start Conflicts Without Any Reason, And Even If There Is A Reason, It’s Not Always Worth Fighting About.
The occasional arguments and fights are okay and happen in every relationship. But when it comes to an emotional masochist, they just start fights without seemingly any reason, or even for the most harmless of reasons. And once the fight has started, they keep at it, without wanting to resolve it whatsoever, and it goes on and on and on.
They do this because they have so much emotional pain inside them, that constant fighting and arguing are the only things that help them let it all out; these things help them cope with all the emotional investment they have done for the relationship. They can fight about anything and everything.
Related: 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself